Every person has their own opinion. That is quite alright to do. Those opinions may come from knowledge, or pure emotional place. However, as a professional, we often forget that in contacting other professionals, it’s important to be civil and use constructive criticism, otherwise it ends up seeming like the opinion comes from a hateful place.
There are so many people who believe themselves to be experts. There are so many niche that have a lot of people vying for top dog too! In the frustration of clamoring to get to that spot, feelings sometimes get in the way.
Case in point:
Recently I was contacted by a gentleman (who will remain nameless, but his email address has the word guru, which is a no-no in my book when it comes to people calling themselves a guru) who wrote the following-
You can’t be serious…
Your website is one of the worst that I’ve seen and you call yourself a reviewer of websites.
This site is absolutely pathetic and an absolute insult to the WordPress professional community.
What you should do is really take a step back, learn how to build a website and stop portraying yourself as an expert.
This website is very appalling at the least.
You should really be ashamed of this website too. It doesn’t speak in any type of language that tells me that you can help me with my needs.
I would never hire you to help me with my website. Ever!!
Now, I don’t mind being contacted, but nothing in his email was constructive criticism. It was clearly coming from a place of hurt. I’ve not had problems with website conversion, nor any complaints about my website until this gentleman. I’ve had nearly the same theme and color arrangement for my brand for about 2 years, and I’m pretty successful at what I do.
What Mr. Guru doesn’t know is that he just came to my site recently. He hasn’t seen my work, other than a glance. He didn’t know I speak at WordCamps, or run a large WordPress community dedicated to helping users, or contributed to the WordPress Codex itself. He also doesn’t know that the site is on Phase 1. He doesn’t even know me.
He’s just sharing his initial opinion, and it’s probably because he was screwed over by someone else, or perhaps he just doesn’t trust a lot of things. And that’s completely fine if he’s burned over that issue or is skeptical. However, as a professional speaking to another, if he wants to be gracious and helpful, he could have made some constructive criticism. I may take some into account or not, or it may already on my own plans. “The cobblers children has no shoes” is definitely something that I deal with because my clients are more important than updating my website.
However, in his case, he didn’t go into detail, and that sours my view of him, because he hasn’t built a good repertoire with me prior to contacting me. He just came in guns blazing. So my response was:
I’m sorry you feel that way. However, I don’t know you and you don’t know me. And that’s quite alright- given your attitude.
Hmm… tell that to the WordPress community, especially to my group that is over 6,000 members. Feel free to show up and say that at WordCamp Orlando next week- my 15th WordCamp. 😉
Please remember that constructive criticism goes a lot farther than trolling and flaming.
Have a nice holiday! 😉
I could’ve been really rude or mean in my response, but I wasn’t. Because I’m not new to people occasionally behaving like this, I try to reply civilly. My recommendation in this case is to make sure to be brief, and civil, even if it’s really insulting.
As a professional, we need to check ourselves from time to time, and make sure our mentality is positive. Walking around with a chip on your shoulder only brews disaster, because it will pepper negativity into how you type and how you talk. Maybe Mr. Guru man didn’t mean to come off as negative and hurtful. Maybe he didn’t know how to express himself correctly. However, he ended up not checking himself and decided to be negative.
Contructive criticism usually entails giving the opinion, and then logically stating why you don’t agree with something. If you can’t do that, then it’s merely opinion, and in some cases considering griefing.
Your goal as a professional is to open as many doors for opportunity. Not providing constructive criticism can result in closing a door, or depending on the person contacted, many doors.
Don’t be a griefer- give constructive criticism, and you’ll build a better relationship with other professionals, both online and in person.
Have you been contacted similarly and not given constructive criticism? How did you handle the situation?
Hey Nile
Great post, it is amazing what some people will say without thinking about what they are saying. Be destructive doesn’t help anyone and means no one will help you down the line if that is your reputation.
Thanks for Sharing
Andy
Great Blog! I like your blog very much.I will read your blog daily.
In college i took a communications course and we discussed about this for a couple weeks. It is amazing how important words are and how different people can take them. This post really layouts perfectly what we should be aware of and how to better help someone out.
All Mr. Guru did was say “I don’t like your blog” in a dozen different ways. He didn’t say why, or what he thought was wrong with it, or what you might do better in his opinion. Maybe he just doesn’t like pink, or maybe he doesn’t like rock music. There’s not much you CAN do in a case like this, except what you’ve done.
When I receive constructive criticism, I “chew the meat and spit out the bones”… take an honest, objective as possible look at it, and determine if there is any truth or lesson in it, and throw the rest away.
Hard to believe Nile!
A complete stranger comes off a such a (you can fill in the blank!) i don’t even understand why he bothered to contact you!
His credibility seems extremely suspect with such a lame and faulty approach!
It’s not like you reached out and asked for his critique! and even if you had, his approach leaves much to be desired!
I’m glad your shared some of your accomplishments with rather crude individual!
Thanks for sharing how not to shoot yourself in the foot!
There appears to be lots of ‘Guru’s’ around, and many can’t wait to let you know what they think. However, what is ‘creative’ about this gentlemen’s rant? He doesn’t tell you what is wrong, and what to change. He doesn’t question your decisions to do certain things, and ask for an explanation. Perhaps he is just trying to get some kind of link from a real ‘guru’ – you, Nile!
It’s amazing to me how people send messages like this without thinking first. Everyone has their preferences – that doesn’t mean that you have to like them. Even so, that doesn’t give you permission to completely throw someone under the bus and say that their site is terrible. I’m sure there are plenty of other people who think the exact opposite! I’m glad that you kept your cool and responded with kindness 🙂
Nile,
I have had a few of these types of unpleasant comments. One was a shockingly awful response to my video that I had created through a Relationship Web Site called YourTango.com. The topic was “Your wife found you watching pornography.” The gist of what I said was for the wife to not berate the man and embarrass him but to find a time to communicate with each other openly and perhaps go for counseling. His response was to attack me personally and insult me, as if I had said negative things about men – which I had not. I spoke to the marketing person from YourTango. She checked his following, which was very small, and she recommended that I just ignore it and it would dissipate – which it did – rather than responding to such negativity.
One of the things we can expect as we grow our business and get out there in the world at large, there are some very unhappy, angry, resentful and vindictive people out there. Sooner or later, someone will respond negatively to something we have posted online. If we have done a lot of writing and created lots of products and services, and then one person says some really negative thing it is easy to put it into perspective and not take it personally.
You have done so much to help me, just at the moment when I felt like tearing my hair out from frustration with my web site. Sorry you were confronted by someone who is obviously not very knowledgeable.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
These type of people are just sick and one time visitors so just mark these emails as spam and don’t focus on these emails.
Hello Nile,
Something I have to keep in mine when I deal with my Driving Students is that my choice of words when trying to help them learn could in fact shut them down…….When they shut down it takes a long time to get them back to listening and learning mode…….Mr. Guru, needs to understand that when you speak or you hit the post comment button, that those words are just like a gun going off…….when you pull the trigger you cant unsend the bullet…….Thanks Nile for your professional response and your wisdom in handling a griefer!…..Smokey
Hello Nile! Wow this is just down right hateful in my opinion! I have learned so much from you over the past year or so I could not even imagine anyone saying otherwise.
it is like you have stated, this person knows nothing about you, yet clearly thinks they should share their opinion..
All I can say is WOW
Chery :))
You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. I’ve found that professional responses are always the best. I was recently given a negative review on Yelp (by the opposing party to a lawsuit—someone against we had obtained a $14k judgment in court). If people knew she was the opposing party, a negative review would actually boost my brand. I responded positively, then shared the Yelp review, and was able to turn a negative into a positive.
Amen, Zach! Thanks for sharing your own experience in your profession.
Wow! That was nasty! I can’t believe the nerve on some people. On the other hand, your response may have shocked him, and that’s a good thing. You did the right thing by responding in such a manner instead of lowering yourself to his level. I guess haters will always exist, whether you do a great job or not, and this is one good example. I have never received an email like this. If I ever do, I am not sure if I will be able to contain myself instead of firing at them. Nicely done Nile!